i find that prostitution is not only the actual 'job' of a prostitute - but an attitude towards oneself and life itself.

within the family i grew up, there has always been lack of money and fear of not being able to survive one day. not that we were poor, we always had what was necessary and sometimes more -but emotionally the fear of no money was quite prominent.

when i finished school, i was supposed to go and study, which i did with my mother's money. my father died 2 years before that, so she was the only person to finance my studies. i felt obliged to her and i see that i manipulated myself and her in terms of being kind to her because she was paying for my studies (though i didn't even have to decide whether i wanted to study or not -it was a consequence of my family's tradition/morals/beliefs).
my attitude towards myself, my mother and life itself in this example =prostitution =selling/betraying self-honesty for money

during my first studies, i worked for this guy named harald, a car salesman, with whom we became 'good friends', i met his wife and baby-sitted his baby-daughter. he liked joining student parties, soon he broke up with his wife and had girlfriends -to me he was like a father. he said i was 'special' to him. we never had any sexual/intimate relationship in any way whatsoever. yet i often felt like a prostitute. i 'had to' bear with his silly jokes, i 'had to' go out with him to eat, go to beer festivals and 'fun things' like that. he helped me with money a couple of times, most of the times he didn't want his money back - which was a financial 'relief' to me yet at the same time i felt the heaviness of the other end of the polarity: how i was giving away my 'freedom', my self-honesty and self-responsibility. thus prostitution.

later, in another town i had been, also during studies, i met this guy who fell in love with me. he had a big appartment, a car, he worked a lot and smelled bad. at that time i lived in a shared appartment. yet i did follow that guy, trying my best to fit in, to learn to like him and to be with him. the story only lasted 3 or 4 weeks because i was then totally disgusted with myself = prostitution.

after my studies i worked for my country's embassy in germany. i earned very good money, yet i found myself behaving in a compromizing way to be able to keep that job. after 1,5 years i had to quit.

i started exploring the freelancer way of earning money, began studying new things and finally i started my own service-company, for which i had to do everything on my own: advertising, finding clients, keeping clients, keeping records etc. at the same time, my income was very little, so i was submitted to financial support from the state. i had to visit the unemployment authorities every once in a while, answer questions, explain/justify my situation to get the support coming every month =prostitution.

after 16 years in germany, i decided i did not want to be part of that system anymore, i could not find ways/solutions to deal with it. i returned back to my home town and 'had to' bear with my mother because at first i had no place to stay and no money to start with.

doing whatever you do because you apparently have no other choice / compromizing yourself, giving away your self-honesty and self-responsibility, being with someone you don't like because of money = prostitution.



i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that i cannot take care of myself, because others (mother/family/'friends') always took care of me.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to change/put masks on out of fear that otherwise there will be no support for me from others.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that i am not able to earn enough money to live by.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it is not important to earn (a lot of) money because there are so many people who have nothing.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a social/kind/fair person and to hide behind that perception in order to justify not taking self-responsibility and giving my power/self-directive principle away to others as the system.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to control and manipulate others so that they give me what i perceive i don't have and continue to support me, because i placed myself less than those who were able to support me.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to place myself less than others who have money -yet at the same not wanting to 'make money' out of fear of then being a 'bad person'.

within this i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this polarity, defining myself according to this polarity and thus defining my world according to this polarity and thus supporting this polarity as how it exists within this reality.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as manipulation and control.
i forgive myself that i hadn't allowed myself to realize that i had controlled and manipulated myself, 'selling' my self-honesty, self-responsiblity and self-expression for money and support.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to define money as support.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from money.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the system.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-resposibility, self-honesty, self-support.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to place myself less than the system and thus justify my survival mode and the fear of not having money.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed money to be the 'energy' that moves me and this world as me -instead of me moving me here within and as self-honesty and self-expression.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myselft to fear having no money, perceived as no energy.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to define money as energy.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to place my directive principle in money as energy of this world -instead of being the directive principle of me here within and as self-honesty and self-support.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to compromize myself and my self-expression for perceived support through money that others/the system provided for me.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest and actually hide from myself the manipulation i existed in and as -although at the same time seeing and experiencing the self-defeat and 'prostitution' i was accepting and allowing within me.

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to stand up for me as me here and stop self-dishonesty, manipulation and deceit.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to use fear of no money as justification for my dishonest existence.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed the 'survival laws' of and as this system/this reality to direct me - instead of me directing me here and standing up to not accept and allow money to be the reason/purpose/excuse for my dishonest existence.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to fear money.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in this world because i have placed myself less than the system, thinking and believing i cannot survive without money/support from someone/something outside of me.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to separate support from me here.

i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to support the system polarity equation as money=success=worthy and
no money=failure=worthless.

within this i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this equation.

i am not accepting and allowing myself to define/perceive/experience myself as worthless.
i am not accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to money.
i am not accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to polarity.
i am here as what's here.
i am not accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself.
no more self-dishonesty.
i assist and support myself here.
i accept myself here.
i accept here as myself.
i walk within and as self-honesty, self-support and self-worth as LIFE equal and one Here.

I love how you expressed your love, hate relationship with money. I don't know if you know about EFT (emotional freedom technique). Money is one of the big issues that hold people bak in thier lives. Check out Eft.com or books, youtube. etc.

Changing the system requires us to change ourselves.

yes
we are the system - it's what we have become
the system exists because we exist - take the human out of the equation - everything changes and Life continue as if the human never existed

EFT and all methods/modalities existent in the system are designed to make people 'better systems', to function 'better' within the system and thus in return to serve the system.

systems are limited, they exist as patterns - within this, no self-movement or actual self-will is possible.
systems exist in/as ‘self-preservation’, aka ‘survival-mode’ - within this, no actual Living is possible.


so - we not only require to 'change ourselves' (notice how people tend to 'change patterns', to move from one personality to another, form one habit to another) –we require to actually completely transform ourselves to self-willed equals, in honor of all life as ourselves and each-other.
this is a process of Self-Realization - thus - yes, there is assistance - but transformation and change must be SELF-Realized - otherwise it is not real and the pattern must repeat until one 'do it for oneself' and 'see for oneself'. this should be common sense, isn't it.

Check the forum at www.desteni.co.za for the Structural Resonance Alignment (S.R.A) course.